


The Discord Dilemma

by Hopefulwriter



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Chatting & Messaging, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 01:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17539799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopefulwriter/pseuds/Hopefulwriter
Summary: He honestly doesn’t mean to come across that chat room link while looking through tumblr, especially with the fact that it’s a Jelix chat room.





	The Discord Dilemma

**Author's Note:**

> This one is inspired wholly by a Discord I’m in, so i hope it lives up to expectations... this was a rather fun one to do, and i only hope I haven’t forgotten anyone, if i did then please tell me!
> 
> And as always I hope you like it and let me know what you think!

The monotony of things had been getting to Jack recently, he loves what he does and the people he surrounds himself with of course he does. He knows how lucky he is for these things and he feels so guilty for thinking the way he had started to recently. But he’s human, and sometimes things just get to him a little bit more. He didn’t want to tell anyone about it, it would seem ungrateful of him and he doesn’t want to saddle anyone with his problems anyway. He honestly doesn’t mean to come across that chat room link while looking through tumblr, especially with the fact that it’s a Jelix chat room, but he looks past that in the hopes that they won’t talk too much about the ship. even if they do, it’s somewhere that he can talk to some other people. He just hopes he can get away with this without outing his true identity.

He makes a discord, adds a profile picture, and he feels ashamed that he has to look up ‘Jelix’ to be able to blend in with the rest. He picks the first picture he can see, one of him and Felix from cringemas the other year. His application to join is accepted by someone called ‘Daddy is disappointed’ and it makes him huff out a laugh.

He goes to the main server and types a simple ‘hi,’ and people respond back enthusiastically in kind, before saying that he can write some information about himself on another part of the server. He hesitates in typing anything, but he decides to be vague on it.

‘I don’t feel comfortable writing my full name so J will be fine for now  
I live in the UK and I’m older than most of you’

He knows eyebrows will be raised if he specified his age, and he doesn’t want people to think that he’s there for the wrong reasons, because he’s not, he just wants some people to talk to that he can let loose around and won’t feel as guilty about spilling things to, things that he definitely can’t with others, with one in particular. 

He gets on with everyone in different ways, their ramblings are amusing to watch, especially when they get a good idea. But one of them stands out among the rest, they had gotten to chatting in private and he had a great time typing back and forth with this person. They’re funny, snarky and always has something to say to any comment he makes. They call themselves ‘Beastmaster69’ a nod to the series of Felix's stupid Pokemon go videos.

He likes to give the others ideas for things too, point them in the direction of things that could make their stuff more accurate. He doesn’t know why he does it sometimes but it’s as close as he can get to what he really wants, and is too guilty to write himself. It doesn’t stop him from opening a document on his computer just for some of his favourite ideas that has been discussed though.

The others begin to get suspicious, no matter how hard he tries to keep things subtle with situations that he recommends them for fics or art they’re all a lot sharper than he ever reckoned on. One of them takes him into a private chat one day, the creator of the server ‘Pseudthis’ their username reads. He furrows his brows and types ‘what’s up?’ 

They quickly reply back with, ‘your ideas seem a bit, like, too accurate’, and he can practically feel the scepticism.

‘I guess my ideas are just a bit too good’, he counters with, hoping to convince the other.

They leave the subject alone with some eye emojis, which makes him let out a breath he had been unknowingly holding, and he knows that he’s got to be more careful from then on.

He holds to that, making sure he’s being aware of when he gets too close to the truth. He still gives ideas though, and thoroughly enjoys reading the things that he’s contributed to in some way. He feels like he has an outlet for how he feels now. It’s freeing and helps him come to terms with something that he has previously only wanted to ignore.

He’s almost on autopilot one day after a recording. He had meant to write an idea for some videos but he opens the document he has set aside for his chat ideas instead. He picks one that piqued his interest; a domestic cute coupley thing that had made him smile when he’d first come up with it, but his thoughts had started to sour the longer it settled in his mind, the bubble of happiness had burst and brought him back to the stark reality that he lives in. 

He doesn’t feel as guilty as he thought he would, copy and pasting it to a fresh document and beginning to write. It’s gotten dark by the time he finishes, and he’s glad he’s done all of his recording for the day. He stretches out his stiff back, and relaxes back into his chair. He actually had fun writing this, which he hadn’t expected, he hadn’t expected to write anything at all in fact, and he could feel his guilty conscious eating him at the edges of his mind.

He deems it as done a short while later and goes over to the chat to share. ‘Guess who’s written their first fanfiction!’

There’s veritable screaming being typed in front of him and it makes him laugh quietly. They demand him to post it so he copies and pastes the doc to the chat and reaps the ecstatic replies with a wide smile on his face. He gets a private message from ‘Beastmaster69’ shortly after, telling him how much they enjoyed reading his fiction, and asking him how he came up with the idea. He thanks them and types back: ‘the idea came from a conversation i had with someone on the chat, and I’d kept it until earlier today, when i needed a break. I’ve never been comfortable writing anything before now.’

‘I really love domestic things too, just writing such a mundane but meaningful thing. Why have you never felt comfortable writing something before? I mean, you’re on a Jelix chat’.

‘I know, I just feel like It’s crossing a line, sorta? I don’t know.’

‘Yeah I get what you mean, but I’ve always thought they would be good together, for some reason, like they both enjoy each other’s company so much, especially Felix, he seems to thrive off of Jacks attention’.

Jack finds it strange that this person seems to have such insight on his and Felixs relationship, because people always say that he seems to be the one that looks for Felix's praise, the one wanting to make the other laugh first. ‘What gave you that idea?’ He hopes it doesn’t sound accusing, he just genuinely wants to know.

They take a while in their reply, which is unusual. ‘I guess because no matter what, Felix always comes back in the same way that Jack does, sometimes more, like when Jack would back down with something insinuating romance between them, Felix continues on, always wanting to give more than Jack might’.

Jack doesn’t quite know how to respond to that honestly, it seems that this person knows more about Felix than he does in some ways. ‘You make a good point’, he writes simply, but doesn’t get a reply.

He continues writing after that, filling in most of the ideas that he has set aside, and he can’t remember being as carefree as he is when he writes, it’s like a weight lifts off of his shoulders that he couldn’t remove before. 

He gets used to his routine of recording and writing, with talking on the chat in between. 

It all changes when Felix comes over to stay, not that he doesn't appreciate his best friends company, it just doesn't feel quite right to be on the chat or writing a fiction when he’s in the next room. It’s difficult to stay away from his little haven though, he gets ideas throughout the day that he thinks ‘I should tell that to-’ but then realises that he’s meant to stay away from all of that for while Felix is there.

Even with that he still has a great time with his friend. It’s nice to have someone other than himself and a virtual wall to speak to, to play video games and watch movies and mess around with. It makes his feelings predicament even harder though, brings it to the surface where it can be vulnerable, and in the forefront of his mind.

Which is what made him slip up one day. He had been messing around and saying stuff when they had been sitting playing multiplayer on a game, trying to throw Felix off from his lead and he had slipped up. “I’ll yeehaw my way into your arms someday Felix,” he sarcastically lamented.

He had been bracing to brush it off, or ignore it completely, but then Felix had laughed and his plans had grown wings and flown out of the window. ‘How does Felix find that funny? That’s a reference to the chat-’ and he had gone cold, ‘Felix knows,’ he thinks with grave certainty. Jacks character stills, leaving it open to beating defeated, but he doesn’t care about that right now. Felix turns to him. “What’s up?”

“I- how did you know that joke? The yeehaw one?” He asks, trying to keep his voice even.

He sees a flicker of realisation cross the others face. “It’s from a movie, isn’t it?” He doesn’t sound confident in that statement, so it comes across as more of a question.

“No, it’s from a chat room.”

He can see the colour drain from Felix's face, and he thinks back on all of the things that has been talked about in that chat, all of the aspects of a relationship that they would have have been covered. “I’m sorry,” Felix says quietly.

“Why?” 

“I just- I knew you would hate this if you ever knew.”

“What do you even get out of being on there?” Jack questions, not wanting to put his cards on the table just yet, not if Felix isn’t being serious.

Felix hangs his head. “I feel like I’ve got something wrong with me and I- these people make me feel like it’s normal.”

Jacks heart hammers against his chest. “What do you mean?” He doesn't want to give himself false hope, he won’t allow it.

Felix seems to be at war with something, Jack can see the tension in his eyes as he looks up at him. “Just make sure you punch me where no one can see a bruise,” he whispers, and before Jack can question the odd request he leans in and pecks the corner of his mouth, it’s the chastest kiss he’s ever had, and it overwhelms him. He doesn’t want to hurt Felix like he asked, but he pushes him away with a light pressure.

Felix has a shattered look in his eyes, and it makes him feel guilty than writing fanfictions of the two of them or talking about them on the chat when he says: “I- I can’t do this right now,” he lifts himself up from the sofa. “I’m sorry Felix,” he then walks out of the room.

He almost doesn’t know what to do with himself, sitting on the side of his bed feeling like he’d left part of his soul in that sofa. He switched on his phone, needing someone to talk to, and goes to discord. He breathes a sigh of relief as he sees some people online and, going into the main part of the chat, he types ‘I need some advice on something’.

They seem willing to help, as they always are with things, so he follows up with ‘would you believe me if I said I was Jack?’ It’s the most stupid things he feels like he’s typed in a while, and that’s saying something.

There’s dubious replies, but for the most part it’s I-told-you-so’s and the fallout of knowing his identity. He doesn’t quite know how they figured it out, but he knows not to anything put it past them anymore. ‘I know, I know, you were right. I have a bit of a situation though, Felix just told me he’s been on here and I don’t know what to do. He kissed me but I don’t know whether he really means it.’

I’m not wise at all :D  
‘What!?’

Daddy is disappointed  
‘What are you doing? Of course he means it! He's put everything on the line, even knowing what you would think of him’

Ṕ̧̩̺̹̜̳͙͖͋̽́͒̆͋͠Ȅ̬͎̱̙͎̰̲̬̒͑͑͊͛̚͠͡ͅE̡̨̠̳̥̾̀̈̒̉̃̚͘͠N̷̮̺͉̪̲̹̻̎͌̆̎̽̍́͘͟͟͡͠  
‘Don't pass up this opportunity!’

Soft and beloved  
‘Go for it!’

They do have a point. He should have thought it over for a second instead of storming off, leaving Felix probably feeling like he’s ruined everything. ‘Oh god, what have I done? I've been questioning whether he means it or not but there’s nothing to question’

Daddy is disappointed  
‘Go get your man!’

The free mormon encyclopaedia  
‘Make all our dreams come true!’

Our blessed future  
‘Yeeesssss’

With their encouragement willing him to do the right thing he picks himself up and pockets his phone, hoping he hasn’t messed everything up irreversibly. He finds Felix in the same position on his sofa, with tears in his eyes and some over his face as he looks in his direction. Jack goes to sit next to him, feeling ashamed that he’s hurt the other so much. “I’m so sorry Felix…”

“No, it’s fine, I should have known it would go like this,” Felix says, and his voice sounds empty, hollow, despite how much he’s probably trying to hide it.

“No, you shouldn’t have, I was just stupid for runnin’ out like that,” Jack admits quietly. “I just- I needed a while to realise that you actually meant it.”

There’s a confused look that comes over Felix's face then. “Why do you want to- I thought you couldn’t stand to be around me, and that’s why you had to leave.”

“No, no, that’s not why, definitely not, I just needed some time to realise that you felt the same way I did, that you meant it.” It felt strange to be laying his heart on the line like this, the only way he hadn’t already admitted how he feels.

“You- I’ve been wanting this for years.”

Jack huffs, relieved. “So have I, it’s not exactly every day that I write a fanfiction about someone. Though, I do wonder who you were all that time.”

“Beastmaster69.”

That makes Jack give a laugh. “Of course, subtlety is never your forte, is it?”

That makes Felix swat his leg playfully. “I can’t believe we’ve been talking to each other all this time,” he muses, with a strange smile on his face.

Jack knows he’s thinking of all the lost time that they have. “I know, but at least we know now.”

Felix hums, then a thought comes into his mind. “You should write something about this,” he chuckles.

“Yeah, maybe i should.” He thinks that can wait for now though, because first he’s going to finish what Felix started earlier, so he gathers his courage and leans in.

**Author's Note:**

> And thats it! Kudos and comments are always appreciated.
> 
> I hope you have an awesome day/night! And come find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Hopefulwriter_) or alternatively on [Tumblr](https://hopeful--writer.tumblr.com)


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